Teenage Heartbreak, End of The World? (Of course not!)

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Love is a strange thing. When you are young and thinks you are in-love, you tend to do weird things, fall for weird people and fall apart in the weirdest way imaginable. I am pretty matured now, but every time I read teenage magazines and see teenage girls giggling over crushes and high school lovers, it feels like a time capsule is bringing me back to the old days.

I was pretty young the first time I fell in love, although I didn't know yet the difference between true love and puppy love that time. And when you're the teacher's daughter striving to be on top of the roll, boys seems to be distant. Nobody really courted me for real even until I was third year. I occasionally get love letters taped under my desk from "anonymous" senders saying "I'm cute" and "they are shy", those kinds of thing.... but there was no formal courtship. I somehow envy my girlfriends who had suitors who visits them at home on weekends and got boyfriends with their parent's blessing. Everybody says I'm lovely and smart and jolly and talented and all that, but I asked myself "Why in the world don't I have a boyfriend?". A question left unanswered until a few months later. Not to mention, my dad specifically said "NO BOYFRIEND TILL AFTER COLLEGE!", and that was one rule so hard to follow.

First, I will share my story with Chris (real name hidden for the person's privacy), a guy whom I had a huge crush for sometime. I started to notice him in second year. He was a petite boy with a clean cut and very neat. he is an awesome dancer and does "back flips" flawlessly. He plays the guitar and plays baseball for the athletic meet and he has a very good handwriting (I know, coz I often sneak at his testpapers on my mom's desk, I often hide some of them). My mom handled their Filipino class until they're senior year, and I can hardly count the times when I interrupt their class, calling my mom to ask for random things (money, ballpen, paper or even ask stupid questions) just so he could notice me. During the Student Council room-to-room campaign, I had the longest speech on the senior class. I absolutely did everything to get noticed but it seemed like non of them worked. Everytime I received anonymous letters I keenly checked the penmanship but nothing matched. He often smiles at me whenever we pass by each other (and of course I giggled to death) but that was all, nothing more. On the night of Student Council Induction Party, I finally had the courage to do what a decent teenage girl wasn't supposed to do. I asked him one huge question, "DO YOU LIKE ME OR NOT?" A moment of silence.... then he walked away without a word. I was horrified, embarrassed, disgusted and broken. I went home crying, I wasn't able to finish the party. The following morning, his bestfriend gave me a letter. It was from him, saying he was sorry and that he just didn't know what to say the other night. And there was the answer to the question of why I don't have a boyfriend. He said, "I liked you since last year. It's  just that it won't be possible. I'm afraid to embarrass your mom, she might get mad at me if I court you. And I'm not good enough for you. You were up there smart and pretty. I am down here, with nothing." (that was really his statement and I kept that letter until my latest heartbreak last year when I decided to burn everything from my past, which I regret now). Then after that, I realize I never really loved him--- just INFATUATED. I was just stunned for his looks and therefore fantasize as what normal teens do. Then I moved on with my life. That was basically my first cry, not knowing that a lot will follow as year will go.

Months after that, I finally had my first boyfriend. But I won't elaborate more about him, coz I can hardly put in detail how I lost him. But I lost him a year and three months after, in the most painful way that you can possibly lost someone (you probably have a vague idea of what I mean).

After all, I realized that there's more to life than a high school romance that turned sour. I got a chance to meet other guys and even though most of them didn't work the way I wanted them to, I still stood up after every fall and moved forward.

In the past five years, I've been loved and dumped a couple of times already. And apart from the pain and heartaches, I learned a lot of lessons. 1) a teenage heartbreak is never the end of it all 2) a lot is yet to come during the rest and after our teenage days 3) when somebody leaves, it's an opportunity to find a better one 4) people come and go so you really can't expect everybody to stay, and 5) Everything happens for a reason -- so if you are in a difficult, painful situation today, keep believing that something good will soon come your way. Take it from me... I've been there!

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P.S.

I heard about Chris a few weeks ago (seven years after what happened), and I learned that he is currently in a serious commitment with another dude. Yes, I learned that he is homosexual. And I was enlightened... that's probably why! :)