Ignorance Can Be Cured, Stupid is Forever

After 3 weeks of being on my bedside table due to my busy schedule, I got to finish reading what is probably one of funniest yet most intelligent book I've read in a long time (the last time was Lord de Veyra's This is A Crazy Planets 2). This book by probably the most popular politician and intellectual in this country, Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago was released earlier this month and copies was sold within the day. On the day of the launching, first 100 booknuts got a pre-singed copy and first 200 got a photo op. I artived about an hout after the store opening but I didn't even make the lucky list. The line alone to the cashier was ridiculously long and seeing how many people waited for hours just to get a copy felt really good. My initial reaction seeing many people - young and old alike- crowding the National Bookstore in Trinoma that day was, "May pag-asa pa ang Pilipinas".

The 132-page book is collection of jokes, pick-up lines that we see her deliver on TV and transcripts of some of the Senator's most famous commencement speeches. 

The humor, sarcasm and satire in each page is very heart-warming yet sad at times. Every chapter will make you cringe, laugh, shake your head, and laugh once again. I took it one page at a time and it surely was a wonderful journey. But of course, there is no better feeling that reading the thoughts of the bravest woman I know.

Long live Sen. Miriam!

Why I Can't Excel The Way Others Expect Me To

Today, I feel kinda depressed to the point of writing, and I don't know wether to feel good or bad about. It had been a while since the last time I felt and intense emotion - intense enought to write about it.

I realized that what people don't understand is that a 'will issue' is not just about 'will'. They would always say that as long as you badly want something and you have the will to do it, it will happen. But it's not always the case. At least not for me.

For instance, I so freakin' badly want to be good at MMA, I have the will to do it. I was so freakin' willing to go on training and get bruised and be sore from sparring, but my grip is not strong enough to hold someone to submission, my punch is not strong enough to knock someone out and my kick, no matter how technical is not strong enough to hurt someone. So I can't be an MMA fighter now not because I don't have enough will to be one, but because my physical attributes wont cooperate. I also want to lose weight and stand at 120lbs, I want it badly. I tried every diet you can think about, I ran, went to the gym, did boxing, even starved myself at one point, by I only lose very little weight because after a while I would end up binge eating because I am not used to watching what I eat. I am fat now not because I don't have the will to be skinny, but because my food cravings think losing weight is funny.

But this writing is not about MMA or about losing weight. I have already come to accept that I may just always be an overweight MMA fan who watches UFC on TV shouting at how someone should beat an opponent when even I can't do it. And I have already embraced that part of me.

What bugs me now is the fact that no matter how I want to, I just cant excel at work. I know I am good at something but it is just not enough to be who I want to be. At first I thought it's maybe because I don't want it enough. Maybe if I want it a little bit more then I would end up trying harder and I will eventually make it where I want to be. But I realize it's not that simple. I grow up a happy-go-lucky girl who don't really care so much about things. Growing up, I only wanted simple things, so I got them without trying so hard. I was contented with the little things because I was taught that if you can't have something, you simply let it go. I was never ambitious and I have very simple sources of happiness. I never wanted grand things and even when I wanted to, the moment I realize we can't afford it, I would let it go and go back to what I have. That easy-going, simple attitude had worked great for me in the past 24 years, but it turned out that as you mature, you would want to do things that would require ambition. Goals that would require doing more than what you think you can, or have tried to do. Stuff that would force you to go out of your comfort zone and situations where you have to step on someone's dream to get to yours.

*Now 'Dreaming' by Kim Soo Hyun (from Dream High) is playing the background while tears are flowing down my face. Pwe~*

I had always been asked what seems to be the problem. Why can't I be consistent? Why can't I make it even if I have the ability to do so? I thought really hard for the answer, and I think I know it now. But even if I knew it back then when I was asked the question, I don't think I will ever be able to say it anyway. I am not good at telling people how I feel, especially if I had to go deep unto my emotion. I am so freakin' good at wearing an awesome facade and sometimes even if I want to, I just can't take it off. So now that I was able to finally dig into the issue, I wanted to write it instead. Paper is patient (or in this case, the internet) - it doesn't judge, although those who will read it may. But at least writing it down will avoid premature reactions. By writing, I am able to express everything without interuption.

So getting down to the main business about why I can't excel the way people expect me to be: I think it's the same reason why you can't expect a 10-year-old guard dog to suddenly be nice to strangers (pardon the metaphor). Nurturing a dream takes years, and I had only been working on it for a few months. On the other hand, I am not physically strong because I grew up doing nothing but watching anime and reading books. Unlike technique, physical strength takes years of training and patience, and the same thing goes to mental strength. To be mentally and psychologically strong enough to handle the pressure ofambitions, to learn how to fight the odds and muster the strength to push others out of the way to reach your goal - such things doesn't happen overnight as the phrase goes. I am not used to trying so hard. I am not much of a fighter. But I think it's about time I start being one.

These are not excuses, but rather an understanding of one's self. I believe that you will never be able to fix something unless you know there is something wrong. And now that I think I already know what the hell is wrong with me, I believe this is where the process of my growth starts. Others may think that starting to grow at 24 is a bit too late, but it's better to be late that absent (lol). But outgrowing myself and beating that girl in the mirror is something I can't do alone. I need help and I need others' strength. And I hope that I have people behind me as I fight in this battle.

-xoxo-

PXC 41: The Rise of PH WMMA

November 9, 2011, Saturday is a great day for women MMA fans. Philippine Xtreme Combat (PXC) 41 has now showcased the first WMMA fight in the Philippines. An all-out war between French-American Nathalie Heidel and Filipina Gina Iniong.

For years now, Filipinas had already been fighting in men-dominated sports like boxing, however, women fighters are not getting as much publicity as the men. Probably, this is because the Filipino society still can't shake off the mentality that women are supposed to be sheltered at home and cook the meal.

Anyway what were you doing when you were 21? Partying hard? Crying over a heartbreak? Gina Iniong, a BS Criminology student from Baguio, at 21 is the first Pinay to reign in the Pacific Xtreme Combat (PXC) Terror Dome knocking out Heidel with accurate and explosive punches in the first round. In her post-fight interview, she said it had always been a dream to be the first Filipina fighter in the PXC. Well she had already reached that dream and this girl surely still have a very long way to go.

Photos courtesy of PXC

I remember the time both fighters met in the cage, some middle-aged man commented, "Di naman mukhang tomboy!" (They don't look like tomboys). This only shows that most men in this country still thinks that only men will be interested in such a dangerous sport and the only women who will be brave enough to do it are the lesbians.

I believe that this is the start of the journey of women in this male-dominated sport. Soon, more and more women will come out of their comfort zones and fight in the cage. Gone are the days when Filipinas only stay at home, clean the house and watch the kids. Now is the era where women goes out to the word and fight the battles, being the best possible versions of themselves.

Demi Lovato: A Disney Baby Turned Warrior

DEMI LOVATO. A Disney baby first seen as a Barney kid, a promising performer at a very young age. She started performing at 5 and had no option but to grow up fast. People's high expectations and Hollywood fame got the better of her and with no way out, she started self-mutilating at 11. Then at 17, she got to her senses and brought herself to rehab. Now she is back as a better person, a better artist far from the Disney baby she once was. 

I wasn't a huge fan, but her courage amazed me. At 20, she is now an advocate of Anti-Bullying and is giving inspirational speeches to teenagers who are going through a rough time. While the other Disney teens she grew up with remains to be boys and girls, she is now a strong woman, capable of anything. She is a warrior. 

Her new self-titled album DEMI chronicles her struggles towards recovery and Warrior, along with Skyscraper is my favorite track in the album. Every line and note of the song just touched me to the core. As a person who went through a rough teenage life myself, I can clearly relate to the emotion of every line.

"There's a part of me I can't get back

A little girl grew up too fast

All it took was once, I'll never be the same

Now I'm taking back my life today

Nothing left for you to say

Cause you were never gonna take the blame anyway

Now I'm a warrior, I've got thicker skin

I'm a warrior, I'm stronger than I've ever been

And my armor is made of steel, you can't get in

I'm a warrior, and you can never hurt me again."

"Warrior" by Demi Lovato Lyrics

In an interview, Demi said that she had songs that helped her made it through the rough days. The nostalgia started to kick in. I can clearly see my 17-year old self, going through identity issues, don't know where to go. Then I watched Camp Rock and heard "This is Me" from the soundtrack. "I've always been the kind of girl who hid myself, so afraid to tell the world, what I got to say..." And that became my anthem. It became my turning my turning point. Listening to it repeatedly is what helped me made it through. Telling myself that I don't have to please others. I got to be me, and believing in myself "is the only way".

Demi is a survivor. An epitome of a true warrior.